I was reading about one man’s exploration into picking up women (Beyond pickup – have your cake and eat it too?) and I was thinking about it in relation to my own experiences and observations over the years.
What I’ve come up with from my reflections is that if you want to pick up the kinds of women that exist in your fantasies, then you have to become the kind of man that those fantasy women would be attracted to.
Is that really you? Do you want to become a fantasy yourself, or a caricature of yourself, just so you can attract those kinds of women?
Many men do. They think the only way they’re going to enjoy having sex with lots of women is to be the kind of man that lots of women will want to have sex with. And they’re right.
But at the end of the day, if they’re not being themselves, then the entire experience is going to be unfulfilling for them. Sure, they’ll have some fun for a while, but in the backs of their minds they’ll know that it’s all an illusion, all just a fantasy that they’re living out.
And the problem with fantasies is that you eventually have to come back to the real world.
In this case, the real world is an unauthentic life. You’re living a lie. You’re pretending to be someone that you’re not, and manipulating women with lies, so that you can get what you want from them. Choosing to live a lie means that you’re always having to find new women to move on to, so that the illusion is never threatened by those who start to get close to you, who start to see the flaws in your illusion.
This is part of the reason that ‘players’ and ‘pick up artists’ (PUAs) are always finding new women. They don’t want a girlfriend, for example, because then the illusion is shattered when the lies become known. Then they have to be responsible for their actions. Much better to stay on the move, never slow down, and never let women know who you really are.
I used to be one of those men that had problems even getting past a first date, let alone having a relationship. Those were terrible times. Eventually I got sick of the bullshit I was experiencing, and I decided to learn ‘how to pick up girls’. I browsed the forums, read the articles, bought the books, and spent a great deal of time analysing how I can improve myself to be more attractive to women.
I had some success with it, enjoying meeting new women and the experiences I had with them, but it was from my experiences (rather than the forums and books) that I learned some very valuable lessons about male-female interactions. I learned that if you weren’t a ‘manly man’ (I wasn’t) you could still achieve success with hot women if you did a number of things:
- don’t try to impress them (stop caring what they might think of you)
- don’t get caught up in their dramas (when they drag you into their drama, you lose control)
- make them laugh (if you’re an ugly fucker but you make a woman laugh, she’s yours)
One of my most significant discoveries was that if you made an attractive woman think you weren’t interested in them, and you put them into the ‘friend zone’ before they did, that just made them need to prove to you that they were worth your attention. They’re very insecure, these woman, and they need validation. If you take it away from them, then they have to do whatever they can to get you to give it to them.
I ventured into the fantasy land, enjoying the experiences it had to offer, but after a couple years of this I decided it wasn’t my thing. I didn’t enjoy the lies. I didn’t enjoy having to be aloof in order to maintain the mystery. I didn’t enjoy having to hide the different women from each other, and the complications that brought into my life. It wasn’t me.
So I gave it up and started working out how to live with authenticity instead of with lies. I think it’s worked out pretty well so far.
When you give up on the fantasy and spend some time working out who you really are, understanding what’s important to you and why, then a few things happen. You start to accept who you are, and you realise you don’t need to run from yourself any more. You don’t need to pretend to be someone else, just so you can feel good about yourself – even though the person you feel good about is an illusion.
When you understand who you are and what you want, then you can start moving forward with an understanding of the kind of woman that you really want to be with, who will complement you, rather than simply be your partner to a fantasy.
Knowing yourself is the key to finding your own perfect woman, the one who will be the authentic partner to your authentic self. She’ll accept your weaknesses and complement them with her strengths, and her own weaknesses will be complemented by your own strengths.
There won’t be any lies, because you’ll get everything you want with each other. You’ll struggle at first, but she’ll make you feel comfortable to share the things in your past that you’ve been ashamed of, and they’ll be accepted by her as simply who you are, and she’ll love you despite them.
It’s possible, because I have it. I’ve been through the fantasies and lies and now I’m with someone who accepts the real me. I don’t have to pretend to be something I’m not. I don’t have to tell lies to fool her or others. I’ve shared my secrets and shames and it’s only brought us closer.
It’s so refreshing.
Men that are constantly on the move, constantly chasing the next woman, are men who are missing something from their lives, but they’re not really sure what it is. They probably don’t even see it. It doesn’t matter what excuses or even reasons they come up with to justify their actions. At the end of the day, they’re searching for something they don’t have.
And I believe what they’re searching for is a good woman to be their partner in life.
“Behind every great man is a great woman.”
For a man to be great, he needs a great partner providing him with support. For a man to know what is right, he needs someone he can trust to be his sounding board, to tell him when he’s being an idiot, and to support him through the times when he needs it. To encourage him to always be his best, not just for her, but for himself, for the things he needs to do in his life.
That’s what men are searching for.
Some go all beta and try to please all the women they meet. Some go all alpha and just try to fuck all the women they meet. The reason they do these things lies somewhere in between the two states of being.
Can beta males become alpha males?
Absolutely. But it’s because being beta is not giving them what they want or need, and they realise it and are hurt by it. Becoming alpha is a way of covering up the hurt, and of subconsciously striking back at the women that hurt them.
Betas that become alpha are angry. They’re running from the state of being that didn’t work for them. They go from one side side of the pendulum swing (beta) to the other side (alpha), and they might spend many years there before realising that they need to come back towards the middle to find a balance.
Another of the things I learned is that to women there are four kinds of men.
- men that women want to fuck
- men that women want to marry
- men that women want to be friends with
- men that women don’t want to know
And it’s extremely difficult for a man in any of those categories to be in any of the other categories.
- You might be an alpha male that she wants to fuck, but she won’t want to marry you ’cause you just want to fuck every woman you see. Which is perfectly fine by you. 🙂
- You might be a beta male that she wants to marry because you have lots of money and you’ll be a good father to her kids – she’ll only fuck you to get her kids, but then she’ll be fucking the alphas behind your back.
- You might be a beta male that she’ll only be friends with for your emotional support – she won’t want to fuck you and she certainly won’t want you to be the father of her kids, either because you don’t have enough money or you’re just not alpha enough for her to want to fuck.
- And then you might be the omega male that she doesn’t want to fuck, marry or have anything to do with. “Get away from me, you creep!”
If you’re a beta male that’s not getting what you want, you have to become more alpha. If you’re an alpha male that’s getting tired of chasing women, you might have to start becoming a bit more beta if you want to settle down with one. If you’re an omega male that’s wondering what you’re doing wrong – get a job, buy some decent clothes, stop looking at porn, and do some fucking exercise.
When you’re tired of it all, here’s the secret to getting what you want. It’s pretty simple. Be both alpha and beta.
Be the guy that a great woman will want to fuck, but you’ll also have to be there for her to make sure she’s getting what she needs as well. That requires being emotionally available to her, to make her feel secure, to make the relationship a long one rather than a short one. Have a decent job that can propel you towards what you desire in life, and which will help maintain her own feelings of security that you can provide for her needs.
But make sure that’s not why she’s with you. It has to be about the support and the sex you’re getting from a great woman, it can never be about the money that she thinks she’s going to get from you. Dump her ass if that’s the case.
If you’ve found your great woman, never let yourself become complacent, because as soon as you become too beta, as soon as she starts to think you’re not satisfying her needs any more, you’ll lose her.
If you’re not a great man any more, then you’ll lose your great woman. She’ll go off to find another great man to support instead.
If you get fat, lose interest in the things that you were passionate about, and start to ignore your needs as well as hers, you become the beta male that she won’t want to fuck. If you become a bad father and ignore her needs as well as the family’s needs, then you won’t even be the man she’ll want to be married to. You’ll be kissing all that goodbye.
You have to be your own man all the time, doing what is important to you, while still being there for her and supporting her to do what’s important to her as well.
That way you both get what you need, and as long as you’re both winning, you’ll be doing great. As soon as one of you starts to lose, everything starts going downhill.
Always look for the win-win in your relationships, and never give up your own needs to satisfy someone else. Be the alpha and the beta and strive for the balance in between.
Good luck.
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