There’s a background theme to my life that’s slowly changing. I can feel it, and as some of the changes are occurring, I can see it. It started with this feeling of deleting everything on the blog and only maintaining popular, important, insightful and current content. But it’s also manifested in a realisation that I don’t actually want to design websites any more.
It’s been something I sort of knew about but didn’t really want to accept for a few months now, as I’ve been more focused on my ‘day job’. I’ve come home mentally drained each day, and do other things to relax. Web design has felt like too much hard work.
A few weeks ago I wanted to get back into it, to honour an agreement I’d made with someone that I would do a website for them and the non-profit organisation they were associated with, so I told them I’d get started on the site. But I never did. I procrastinated.
So when they asked a few days ago how the site was going, I was hesitant to tell them it wasn’t going anywhere. I didn’t want to let them down. But I knew tonight that I had to let them down, because it just was no longer something I wanted to do any more. Thankfully they were very gracious about it.
It was a year ago that I started my web design business. I’ve had a few clients, did some websites, but despite being able to do it, it’s not something that excites me. I’ve been doing it for so long, now it just bores me. It’s tedious and I don’t want to do it.
So after having my website design business up for a year, I’m taking it down this weekend. I’m not going to even have it sitting there gathering dust. I’m deleting it.
So what’s the theme that’s changing? Well, I’m not really sure what it is that’s actually changing, I just know that something is changing. I’m deleting things that are connections to the past that’s not really helping me or working for me.
Maybe I’m making space for something else that’ll come along soon. Instead of focusing on the past, I’m cutting those connections – those ‘anchors’ – so that I can move on to something new.
And that’s probably it. Anchors are connecting me to my past, and my past has no meaning any more. I need to cut the anchors and move on.
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